Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
