'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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