Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
