Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
