I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
