I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
