the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
