I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
