I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize