Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
