real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
