So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
