windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
