it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
