just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm determined to sit on that face.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
