Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize