I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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