Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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