She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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