the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
