Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
