i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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