Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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