I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
