Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
