She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
