I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
