i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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