Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
