I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
