I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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