i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
