"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want to have your abortion
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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