piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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