at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
