Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
