Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
