Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
