Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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