I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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