I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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