LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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