you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
