just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
