If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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