just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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