Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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