Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
