that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
