my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
