Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
