Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
