He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
