Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
