I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
