I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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