i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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