in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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