and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
