Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
