one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
