a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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