You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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