im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
