Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
